it was hidden in a plain brown lunch bag, slid discretely across the breakfast table, out of view from the just awakened coffee-sipping, paper-reading diners.
somewhat startled, i quickly shifted my tired eyes to look around the place, trying not to attract too much attention as i reached into the bag and carefully removed its contents.
what i held in my hand shocked me and triggered flashbacks so powerful and vivid, i could barely control myself.
full bluntal nugity. on dvd.
what an amazing birthday gift from kris. and i'm here to tell you: it does not disappoint.
a full bluntal review is forthcoming. but allow me to share with you the results of my early checklist of disc one content.
gum-chewing ted. check.
gun-toting ted. check.
ted's hairy chested bassist wearing only a vest. check.
ted falling on his backside from water spewed from the hairy-chested bassist wearing only a vest. not on this dvd.
a foot-long squirrel tail hanging off the back of ted's pants, occasionally creating an unstable phallic illusion. check.
ted onstage riding a heavily sedated buffalo with active salivatory glands. check.
ted firing an uzi. check.
ted leading the crowd in that old-time-sing-along favorite "kiss my ass." check.
ted firing a flaming arrow. check.
footage of the nugent family hunting. check.
ted's eyebrows groomed into the nike swoosh. check.
a crowd full of ill-fitting t-shirts and tired middle-aged scrags. check.
ted summoning the spirit of fred the bear. check.
ted recapturing the glory of our high school years with blistering guitar work on dog eat dog, snakeskin cowboys, wang dang, and cat scratch. check.
wishing you all full bluntal nugity.
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