the following is a log i maintained while i was in phone hell.

this particular form of punishment was brought upon me last saturday when i tried to correct an erroneous charge on my best buy credit card statement. in the amount of $24.95. it was a subscription to entertainment weekly. whatever. i didn't subscribe to it through best buy. but trying to right this wrong banished me into a form of damnation that was rod serlling-esque.

anyway, i was at the computer while i was on hold. so i kept this log.

i find it catharctic to post this. thanks for indulging me.

******************************

Call the number on the credit card statement
navigate my way through a push button menu
Wait
Wait
a human tells me that I need to call best buy
So I call best buy
After giving my zip code, confirm my credit card partner, something else. I detail my problem
Silence.
“I’m just a finance person. I’m not equipped to handle your request."
apparently i'm in the wrong place
i get another number to call.
i Enter my account number 5 different times
Punch in untold numbers trying to unlock where the human is. this is a puzzle.
Just want to correct the wrong
at last, i find a human
Gives me another number to call
I call
Another wall of touch pad options
wait six minutes
Endure ads
Messages
Reaffirmations
I can’t tell you how frustrated I am
"Your call is important to us so please stay on the line"
Wait
Wait
All I want to do is correct the 24.95 wrong
"Finding a bb store is as hassle free as something . . . "
"All reps are assisting other customers. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order that it was received."
"Want a rebate?"

This automated cheery sounding slacker at best buy gives me my options
At least he speaks to me like a human
But I’ve gotta wait
"Your call is important to us so please stay on the line."
"All reps are still assisting other customers"
"Got a repair issue?"
"Please continue to stay on the line"
What a *@&$%! labyrinthe!
Am I trying to get through to the white house. Bill gates house? the kremlin?
"Want a job at best buy?"
"Your call is important to us, so please stay on the line."
it's been so long, i don't remember what section I’m in. Rebates? Return policy? Privacy policy?
"Please stay on the line."
At la=st a human
"You’ll have to call entertainment weekly"
which i do
another touch pad maze
another barrage of recordings
"Ask how you can save up to 77% on your subscription"
some music
now Chloe is in the room
this is contemporary Jazz
interrupted by "Your call is important to us. Please continue ot hold. We appreciate your patience."
This counsel sounds like its coming from a wiser man. Like an old shoeshine guy.
Now some Bad, brassy jazz that cuts out on every fifth note.
Was that a tuba?
Now some Richard claiderman-esque piano. Soothing.
There’s the wise man again, beseeching my patience.
we're now going on 30 minutes
I approached this very cavalierly
Never again will I buy anything with anything other than cash.
Chloe’s into the toothbrush.
Chloe tipped my cds over.
There’s that man again.
Is that an oboe?
If I knew how to put this on speaker phone I would
8 minutes later.
I’m multitasking doing bills, parenting, reading mail
My ear and shoulder are hurting from this hold status
I can’t express the depths of my anger right now
a human
she can't deal with my seemingly elementary problem
"Can you hold while I get an account specialist on the line"
Summer breeze is muzaked for my wait enjoyment
Added some sizzle to this one. seals and croft would be proud.
Three minutes have passed
Now it’s "stand by me"
this version rocks
My daughter has some razors
WHERE IS THE ACCOUNT SPECIALIST!
At the 5.39 mark, it’s a new song. I don’t recognize it. At 6.32, I think it might be sister Christian
It’s been 14 minutes
I’ve paid bills. I’ve sent emails.
I’m so angry.
WHERE IS THE ACCOUNT SPECIALIST!
Wait. I know this song.
That’s steely dan. Get back jack do it again.
I can’t do it again.
I’m quitting
I’ve waited 18.33 for an account specialist.
19.50
ten more seconds
gone