Never comes to the office holiday party
Changes the subject whenever anyone mentions past employment
Always minimizes windows right when you walk up
Logs onto Instant Messenger, but status always reads "BUSY!"
Even after all this time, still hasn't set up voicemail
Talks about family a lot, but doesn't have any pictures on his desk or anything
Parks in the alley instead of the garage, even though it's free for employees
Doesn't list any emergency contacts on HR form
Sometimes goes missing for days, then shows up with head all bandaged and acts like nothing happened
Always seems to have coffee, never seems to make coffee
Pretends to be on the phone when clearly none of the lines are lit up
Enables macros
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courtesy of the genius of mcsweeney's
